Saturday, February 22, 2014

Empty

This post is about me, mommykim, not about my girls. (Yes, I am entitled to write about myself from time to time.)

Today is a day of significance. Why? You may ask...

Today, I felt many things. Emptiness, weariness, loneliness, sadness, failure, just to name a few. Why so?

Today, I closed a chapter in my life. It's sad when chapters end. Especially when they started off interesting, full of hope, and been around long enough to give you memories. A good example was my dear godfather's demise almost 2 years ago. His passing gave me grief, in a way I could not have imagined. To me, he was a father I wish I had. God gave him to me, as my godfather. I should be blessed.

Today, no one has passed on. Thankfully. However, a place, a place where I used to spent 12 hours a day for 6 months being a cashier, retail assistant, packer, customer service officer, is now written out of my life.

No one knows much about me at that point in time except for family. I cut myself off from almost everyone unwittingly. I was too busy to be on facebook, to take calls from friends, and to even take care of my dear little missies. It was a good 6 months where I drove myself hard, mentally and physically, to set up Happy Haeyo.

I lost many friends... or rather, I lost the great bonding times that I shared with many great people in my life. I didn't have time for them anymore. I was always busy. I didn't even have time to tell them how much I missed them and how tough it was for me.

My good friend, helped me out when my shop started. It was so kind and helpful of her. In fact, she helped me even through the difficult times that I had during the first year. 2 weeks ago, she knew that I was going to close my shop on Friday, today, Feb. 21. She asked if I needed help a week ago. I said "Yes!" because I knew I was going to need all the help that I could get, especially good help. She said "Ok, but after 9pm.". Sure, any help any time would be good on this day. I didn't get a call from her.

My brothers, both whom I asked for help a month ago. One confirmed a couple of days ago that he couldn't help me because he was having exams the next day.  The other, said he would help. I didn't see him too. He was sleeping.

Friends, friends whom I considered close, were told that I was going to be moving out of my shop today. Few offered help, empathy, sympathy and care. Well... in Singapore, everyone is busy.

The people who came to pack up the shop with me were paid help. Very sadly, paid workers. Except for the hubs. As much as I always complain about him, he did take a day of leave to help. I don't have to pay for his help. 

It took many hours to pack all the goods and now the goods are all sent to the warehouse. That, will be another post for another day.

All that's left to pack up now, are my emotions. It's challenging. I started off by plonking down on the sofa and watching Sochi Winter Olympics 2014 at 2.30a.m. Actually, it's more of staring at the screen. My mind is still a blank. It'll take a while for reality to hit me, for me to really react to the sadness. Blogging about it does help alleviate it slightly... but nothing beats downing good 'ol soju for now!

Today is the day I feel really empty.